When a relationship breaks down, deciding what happens next can feel overwhelming. There may be difficult conversations about the family home, finances, pensions and arrangements for children, often at a time when emotions are already running high. Mediation is one of a number of ways separating couples can work towards an agreement without asking a judge to make decisions for them.
What is mediation?
Mediation is a process where an independent, trained mediator helps separating or divorcing couples have constructive conversations and work towards solutions that work for their family. There may be circumstances involving domestic abuse, safeguarding concerns, significant power imbalances or a lack of financial transparency where mediation is not appropriate and another approach is required, but, in general, many people find mediation useful.
The mediator does not make decisions for you and does not take sides. Instead, they help identify the issues that need to be resolved, facilitate discussions and ensure that both people have the opportunity to be heard.
The aim is to help couples reach their own informed decisions, rather than having an outcome imposed upon them by a court.
What happens during mediation?
The process will vary depending on the circumstances, but it will usually begin with each person having an individual meeting with the mediator. This gives the mediator an opportunity to understand the circumstances, identify any concerns and consider whether mediation is appropriate.
If mediation goes ahead, the couple can then meet with the mediator to discuss the issues that need to be resolved. The mediator's role is not to tell you what to do. Instead, they help you have the conversations that may otherwise feel impossible to have.
Don’t forget, it is entirely normal for separating couples to have different views about what should happen. Mediation provides a structured environment, designed to help each person understand what matters to the other and identify where compromises might be possible. Most importantly, you remain in control of whether you reach an agreement.
What about children?
Mediation can be particularly valuable when parents are trying to agree arrangements for their children. There is also the option of child-inclusive mediation, where an appropriately trained mediator speaks with the child and, with their permission, feeds back relevant views to the parents.
This is not about asking a child to choose between their parents. Instead, it can give them an opportunity to be heard and help parents understand worries or concerns they may not have appreciated.
For some couples, mediation can provide a constructive alternative to lengthy correspondence between solicitors or contested court proceedings.
Do I need a solicitor?
You can take independent legal advice alongside mediation. This can be particularly helpful where finances are involved. Your solicitor can explain your legal position, advise you on proposals and help you understand whether an agreement is likely to be fair and reasonable.
Mediation and legal advice can therefore work alongside one another rather than being alternatives.
For couples who want to find practical solutions and, where possible, maintain an amicable relationship after separation, contact Parker Bullen to see how mediation can be a valuable way forward.